why im i the only drunk person in the library?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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