life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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