You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
