you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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