Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
thus making me awesome and them whores
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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