You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
