Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
