he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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