Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
