the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Michael Bay diarrhea
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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