so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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