I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
