hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
