You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
