I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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