Me too!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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