After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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