last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just pee around me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
