Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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