Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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