And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
