i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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