If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
