well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
