a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
