you traded sex for a burrito?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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