Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(863): View more from Florida

Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home

(248): View more from Michigan

r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?

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(916): View more from California

He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics

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(281): View more from Texas

So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.

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(269): View more from Michigan

You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Can I just swipe right on his dad?

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