At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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