No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
