apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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