Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
