Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
