so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
