One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
