my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
