I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
