Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
