I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
