i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
