You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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