also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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