Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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