Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
