NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
