and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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