i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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