My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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