Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
