Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
