I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
