Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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