i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
